Thursday, August 26, 2010

Ostrich Adultery

"So we get a few drinks together at The Safari Bar and you claim these are mine? I am a councilman out here! Oh no, i know some hyenas with no futures that will take care of this."

Monday, August 23, 2010

Astro Pop Thief

Figaro wondered all day about how everyone knew he ate the last Astro Pop.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

The Shopping List

"Okay, we need milk, eggs, bread, a shirt for me because everyone is tired of me not wearing one around the hous...hey who wrote that?"

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

The Giant Kid

"I am just going to play it cool, step over this log and pray to every God that lives in the sky that the giant kid in the Yankee hat does not decide to eat me like a Pollio string cheese."

Monday, August 16, 2010

Cooking Lessons

"I'm not saying I don't like it. I am just saying you tend to be a touch too conservative when it comes to the use of spices."

Thursday, August 12, 2010


""Mystery flavor fruit roll up, huh? So you don't know what flavor it is until you taste it? What will they think of next?"

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Here's Looking At You, Kid

"If that plane leaves the ground and you're not with him, you'll regret it. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon and for the rest of your life. "

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Stand Up

"I swear to God if you are doing the standing like a person thing again, I will lose it on you!"

Monday, August 9, 2010

Quality of Life

"What happen to this city? You can't even smoke in bars anymore!"

Friday, August 6, 2010

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Polar Bear Honesty

"Yes, that is a dead seal you see at my feet. I killed it. I am a polar bear and seals are a major part of my diet. Don't...don't talk to me about the seal being cute. I live on an iceberg and I can't be concerned with what my food looks like. I am a polar bear."

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Duck Museum

"Can we agree now that coming to the duck museum was a bad idea?"

Monday, August 2, 2010

A Hairy Situation

Bernard worried that he would grow to regret ever agreeing to be the national spokesperson for Nair.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Hair Hat

"My hat? Well, I just cut off my hair, tied it all together and made it into a hat. I invented a hair hat. What did you invent?"

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

No Body, Bro

"Dude! Bro! Dude! Bro! It is happening right now, this second as we speak! I have no body, dude! Shred it! Totally rippin'! YES!"

Monday, July 26, 2010


"Did I sit in the sun and get a terrible, terrible sunburn? Yes. Will you bitching and moaning to me about having more sense than that make the awful pain of the sunburn go away? No. No it will not."

Thursday, July 22, 2010

No Pants Warrior

"I did it again. In my haste to get out of the house, I put on my belt but neglected to put on my pants. Man, egg on my face!"

Wednesday, July 21, 2010


"Wait a second, this is not a Casablanca themed party! Doug, you are a dick!"

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Monday, July 19, 2010

The Lost Pot

"Alright! I give up! The gold pot is lost, okay? We have lost the gold pot! Your father is going to be so pissed!"

Friday, July 16, 2010

Fence Contest

"Okay, so basically I have, um, taken some skulls from animals I found around the, uh the house here aaaaaaaaanndd I have put them on this fence here. Yeah, it is a fence decorated with skulls. Sooooooo, this is my idea. Okay, I literally found out you guys wanted new ideas five minutes ago. Give me until tomorrow afternoon. You won't be disappointed."

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Dickhead Whale

"Man, what kind of a whale makes us take him on a sleigh ride during the worst storm of the year? "

Indian Style

"Actually we just call it sitting, bro. Wow!"

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

What Are We?

"Yes, I have seen my reflection in various bodies of water when we go to get drinks but we are not fucking dinosaurs!"


"Frank, you mention Goldilocks one more time and I wil eat you in front of your son."


"Check the yellowpages she says. You know the Smiths have the internet in their house! I don't see why we have to keep checking the yellowpages! Oh man, are cabs under taxi or cabs? If we had the AOL in our house we would just type it all out and the answer would be zapped to our house! Here we are taxicabs. Hmmm, under taxicab, huh?"

Thursday, July 1, 2010

We've All Been There!

"Oh fuck, I don't think I locked the teepee!"

Taste the Rainbow

"Guys! Guys! Guys! I do not have any skittles! Chill out!"

Cranky Deerlike Creatures

"Let me get this straight, Carl. We walk through the Goddamn desert in the middle of the dry season because you want to be more spontaneous and now you want to just stop because you got some sand in your eye! Oh no, get up! We're finishing this!"

A Fatal Mistake

"No, no, no...let me at least go see what they want. What is the worst that can happen? Hey fellas, what I can do you for?"